i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
