brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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