I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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