this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
