He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
