my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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