so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
