Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
