I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
