I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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