The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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