Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if only i could text you this smell
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
