I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
