I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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