Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
