All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
