Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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