Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
