Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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