The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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