Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
