I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
