That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
