Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
