I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
