SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
this hospital has no fireball
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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