This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
