What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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