i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
