OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
