in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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