youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wanna go halves on a baby?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
