wakey wakey hands off snakey
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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