I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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