I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
