i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
