When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
