I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
