My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
