My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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