Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
