Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
