Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
