Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
