Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
