1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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