I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize