You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
