Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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