do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
NoShamevember. You game?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
