she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
